In the search of the meaning of Life...

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

23:20

fuck. i am damn angry with myself.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

20:49

my front tooth hurts

wasted my sunday morning on the playoff game on rockets vs jazz because rockets lost once again... trailing the series by 1-3... sad...

actually wanted to compensate the time that i have wasted in the morning by mugging hard for chem test in the afternoon. then i called up wangzhuo and asked him to go high school to mug with me...

what it turned out was a chit-chat session (as usual), and as the bench that we were sitting at was nearest to the basketball courts, the increasing number of people coming down for basketball from boarding school, the bouncing of balls and the squeaking of basketball shoes drove us into impatience. we can't concentrate at all, just can't wait to plunge into the game. then i contacted Yellow Ding and asked him to bring ball down. the 20 min waiting was a suffer, but we managed to pull through as he came down with a ball in the end...

more people joined us while we were warming up, and eventually, we managed to have 3 teams for a proper half-court game. The games were very intensive as the players were all talented. the offence was aggressive and the defence very solid. it was a rare opportunity to play with such good teamates and opponents. but unfortunately, my mouth was being elbowed during one of the games, and it left my front teeth aching now......

i was so obsessed in the game that i didn't feel tired at all. it was a very good game indeed, but every good thing must come with a price, and the price is my aching front tooth and a screw-up for chem test tomorrow...

but who cares? "shrug"

Saturday, April 26, 2008

bgr

21:10

had an interesting talk with my mum during dinner today, it was about boy-girl-relationship. the discussion was triggered by my cousin in china, whose results are on a decline due to his bgr. well, this is his last year of college (something like our J2) and the promotion exam (something like our A'level) is just few weeks away), my uncles and aunties are extremely worried about his future. He himself isn't confident of his results to0. At this point of time, where the exam still hasn't started yet, he has already been thinking of future alternatives if he fails to get to university.

when i heard this from my mum, i was pretty shocked. had been grown up with him since young, were kindergarden and primary one classmates together, he was always one of my main competitors in class because his results were so good that my mum always compared me to him in every tests and exams. Though we were rather competitive, we were not rivals. 我们是好兄弟。so it made me feel quite sad to hear that he has entangled himself in such a miserable state.

then my mum asked for my opinion of him, and it put me a bit off guard. so i told her my most honest opinion... as to what i replied and what we talked about later on, i shall not talk about it here la. but then after the discussion, i have discovered some new insights and revelations about bgr, maybe some inspirations as well. i think the discussion had reaffrimed my stand too...

anw, i think it is a very clever move of my mother in using my cousin to kind of 'lure' me into telling her my opinions on bgr. haha, but can understand la, she is just worried that i will not be matured enough to withstand certain temptations la... actually don't need to worry la, i can ensure that the girl that i am going to show her next time will confirm up to her standard one, maybe will exceed her expectations. as for my dad, who always teaches me how to analyse women based on their looks and behaviours, teaches me which type of women i should look for, i think his expecations of his son-in-law is higher than my mum. but then, i am confident too that he will be proud of his son for being able to get an extremely good wife and son-in-law.

lol.

Friday, April 25, 2008

best fac heads

21:36

today is the last day for junshyang and tengseng to be the artemis fac heads. and the last day for the 07/08 fac comm members to be fac comm members.

the fac head election today was entertaining. as usual, it was more entertaining to see the 2 fac heads than the main characters of the event, and in today's case, the fac head candidates. anw, when the the election was over, we were unexpectedly informed that junshyang and tengseng's fac head titles would be going to expire in 45 mins. which means they will be stepping down in less than an hr's time (and they have already stepped down when i am typing this). for me, it was such a big surprise...

so when i was still dwelling over the fact that they are stepping down really soon (like 45 mins?), junshyang and tengseng led us to their very last artemis cheer. then i suddenly felt very high, and cheered with lots of gusto and feelings. but when we were cheering the "shake it up: yea" part, the thought of their stepping down sudden struck me, then the fond memories of the time i had under their leadership, their humour and their wits flooded my mind. i actually respected them a lot. then there was this strong urge of tears welling up at the back of my socket. i stopped cheering immediately, fearing that opening up my mouth or moving any part of my muslces will force my 男人泪 out...

so i did not take part in the cheer for the 07/08 fac comm which was led by wei leong as well. when we were dismissed, i felt like going up the stage and wanted to take a memorial photo with my dearest and most respected fac heads, but the thought of fearing that tears oozing out dismissed the idea. instead, i just took up my bag and walked out of LT3...

thinking back, there is no point being upset about their stepping up, we should feel glad that we have had such wonderful fac comm and fac heads. and looking ahead, hope that mingyang is much more capable and mature than his looks... as for lianseng, i am quite confident that he will live up to my expectations :)

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

19:33

had my first national assessment in 5 years today, and it was quite a screw up. Though it is just chem SPA, it was quite demoralising actually. i thk i just did not take it too seriously ba, didnt even bother to do the practice questions that mr teo has given. and luckily or unluckily, today's assassment is almost identical to one of the 5 practice questions... only if i had done the practices last night........

haiz... no point moaning now, it's over already. and for those who still havent taken the chem SPA, don't hesitate to approach me, i wont hesitate to provide some really good hints to you "wink"

Sunday, April 20, 2008

20:34

每次回家，都那么喜欢独自慢走那条必经的街巷，听着抒情的音乐，欣赏着夜晚的宁静。而在昨晚回家的路途，一个念头在我脑海里闪过:不知有一个人陪我一起慢走这条道路的感受会是如何?可能感觉会更好吧... maybe...

那要等到几时呢?

20:23

had unexpectedly come across the jumpstar blog url and clicked on it without any hesitation... and i spent quite a long time savouring each memorable moments of orientation. the photos are damn good and i really miss the happy times a lot. A LOT!!! :'(

well, all good times come to an end. and when i finished browsing through the photos and back to the home page of the blog again, the headline of the latest post caught my eyes, "Orientation's over, Normalcy begins!" what really hit me was the date of the post actually, which was 16th January... it's been 3 months, it seems long and it seems short. and don't know why, i cant really believe that the last post was updated on 16th Jan, and there isnt any follow-up posts after the very post on 16th jan... what an abrupt end.

and what an aburpt way to begin with the "Normalcy"... maybe that's why most of us are still struggling hard to get used to this normalcy... ... ...

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

00:36

it's been quite some time since i last blogged. had been pretty busy actually and with the start of VBC today, i think my sleeping time has to reduce further... anw, mum is coming back on weds, quite looking forward to her return...

So i went to watch today's Combined Sports Meet (CSM) events. and watching the partcipants run or jump made me feel so sad. it feel so bloody uneasy for me not being able to participate in CSM this year, since i have been participating for the past 4 years... Because of my ankle injury, i am basically deprived of any decent sports and i feel damn frustrated when i have a strong will and represent Artemis and do something for the fac, but my body doesnt allow me to. Being a spectator alone is so miserable. I seldom have such a strong drive and excitement to do something out of my own heart, but my stupid injury just ripped me off this opportunity to unleash my energy and excitement. how sad...

so, i swear that i must find one day to run, jump and play to to my fullest so as to compensate for this long period of jail that i endured and currently still enduring..........................

Thursday, April 10, 2008

down down down

20:16

what a bad day today

for those 65-vers, i must hereby clarify that i am not upset by my PW grouping, in fact, i think my PW group is damn dynamic. though we don't have those ultimate hardworking people, we have members of diversity, depth, maturity, teamwork, goal-achieving, creativity, steadiness, fun and of course, TONNES of potential. all we need is just a little bit of commitment and chemistry within the group, and our group can seriously own already. those out there, please don't be jealous ok? and another clarification that i'd like to make is that christabella and eehong and i do NOT have any grudges against each other, the supposed "quarrellings" amongst 3 of us are parts and parcel of our daily school life, it is our own form of communication. in fact, 3 of us are damn harmonious. so pat and wil, you don't have to worry about us, we will be fine.

come, give me your hands: 1, 2, 3, OOOOSHHH!

anw, mum has been away for more than 1 week. without her, living alone with sis was really very very tiring. it is both physically and psychological draining because first, life is always plagued by small little household chores and second, it is really a heavy burden for your mind and heart to look after a house, a sis, and of course myself. and and and... school work. four-in-one, it is really very heavy. (eehong: your exhaustion incurred in your trainings is nothing compared to my mentall exhaustion, you will only know it when you have experienced it...)

just i am still hanging there, withstanding the pressure, eehong and i were being summoned to see evelyn ong after school. and to cut story short, we did badly for econs test. well, doing badly for test alone will not make me feel so sad. but the thing is that i believe i have somehow revised but what i got is this miserable grade. it did not reflect my effort at all. it was really a blast for me. i faltered and now i gave way to those weights which have been accumulating over the past week.

my parents are not with me now. i need to search for internal strength to pick up those weights and put them back onto my shoulders again. i believe i can overcome this because past experiences showed that i work better in a hot crucible.

anyway, failures are inevitable. all we need in life is just one success more than the number of failures you encounter.

it is just as simple as this: no. of successes - no. of failures > 1

Monday, April 7, 2008

analogy

19:55

normally, when people look at a certain object in water, their vision of the object will be affected by refraction and so the object that they see is normally not located at its actual place. but i just don't like the ability to see right through the water and know the exact location of the object without being affected by refractoin...

to borrow the quote from Mak: A person is never happy except at the price of some ignorance.

*sigh*

Saturday, April 5, 2008

the world spins madly on

20:39

the world waits for no one. time is irreversible. everyone is desperately trying to make some impact on the world, but no one knows how insignificant they are to the world. even the Earth is just a tiny dot in the universe. it might be just an electron and the sun is the nucleus and the other planets are the other electrons, and the universe that we are living in might be just a small atom of a particle...

WORLD SPINS MADLY ON - THE WEEPIES

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you'd gone
And the world spins madly on.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

21:26

Though i promised myself not to play in these few weeks due to my injured ankle, and make use of this opportunity to catch up on my studies, i still went to play today...

but i only played chess la, not so stupid and still went to play basketball in a crippled state. but the point is, i still could not resist the temptation of playing. i just cannot bloody hell get myself focused on my studies and not get distracted by other temptations. i just want the word "self-discipline" to be in my dictionary, is that so difficult?

*sigh*

anyway, few of my good friends seem to have a lot of internal turmoils recently and i really empathise them a lot. it is really very frustrated and troubled and confused and headachey and always feel like crying, screaming, wacking, punching and banging when you are in such state. i really pity them. the troubles that i have now is like nothing compared to theirs. hope that they can overcome all of their problems soon and come out being stronger.

来吧兄弟/妹们, 让我们一起来渡过难关吧!!!

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

home alone (iii)

23:14

As my ankle is injured and am not able to walk properly, i was unable to send my mum off to Changi Airport. All my sister and i did was to stand at the doorway and saw my mum tugging at her heavy luggage and preceeded to the airport alone. i felt really helpless and at the same time, there was this sense of inevitable depression as we can only see her again after 2 weeks.

i will surely miss her and dad but what i worry most is about my sister. This is not the first time that we are staying alone, but with my injured ankle, i cannot move around with ease. Theoretically, i should be the one who is going to look after my sis, but now with me in this state, i might need her to look after me in some ways.

hope i will not be of a burden to her.

22:51

went to see a doctor this morning, and had a really weird experience.

just as when i lay myself down onto the sickbay, i expected that the doctor would ask me some questions regarding how i got my ankle into that state. but no, what he did was immediately picked my left leg up and started pressing and tweaking my ankle. i was both startled by his unexpected action and the pain that incurred. i could not help myself but to protest and i was wincing quite a lot at his pressings and tweakings. basically, i was too tensed up.

As my body was too tensed, he was unable to massage my foot properly. so what he did was to take out some needle-like thingys and asked me closed my eyes. i was quite frightened at the sight of the needles. then he said, "just close your eyes, don't open it, if not you will get more frightened." Then i closed them and felt that he was injecting the tips of the needles into the skin of my skull. then i realized that it was acupuncture. there was this very sensational feeling on my skull. it wasnt painful, but it just felt numb and weird.

after that, he continued massaging and claimed that the needles had loosened up my body. actually i didn't really feel the change because i was too preoccupied with the sensational feeling on my skull. after some pulling, turning, tweaking, cracking, massaging and of course lots of groanings and moanings from me, it was finally over. then he said that my ankle is slightly dislocated and explained and talked a lot of crappy stuff regarding bones and their precautions. i just lay down there and listened and was very disturbed everytime when he addressed me as "shuai ge". i don't know why, but the way he said it sounded very weird.

anyway, i can feel that my ankle is healing, hope that i can play again in a week's time.