Searching for someone who can lie down with me on a beach, underneath the blinking stars, and just talk for the whole night...
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actually i wanted to write this post few days ago, but due to the post-blocks syndrome, i don't have any mood for blogging at all. so here it goes...
I have made a revelation about bgr the other day during the blocks period which sort of enlightened me a lot. Though i had some unpleasant experiences on brg in the past, that's why i have been refraining myself from plunging into any relationship. But when i came to jc, seeing all the couples around me, i got a bit envious, to be honest. i think it is an ego issue. but anyway, the reason why i am still single now, despite my strong urge and envy, is because that the rational side of my mind and my past experiences always remind me that bgr isnt the right thing i need, and plunging into it will be even be detrimental to me. So there was this internal fight in mind with my rational self trying hard to suppress my raging desire. That's why i felt frustrated sometimes, because my mind knows that bgr is not suitable for me right now, but my heart doesn't seem to be in control...
So the fight continues, and victory went to the rational side finally, after an incidence and some golden words from wangzhuo. As usual (i always need to play some sports during test period in order to perform better i guess), i went to play tennis with wang and ma after my maths blocks. In the end, ma threw a wet blanket on us and said that he wanted to mug chem instead. We sort of "disallow" him to mug and forced him to play with us. Then he started to get agitated, but we pressed on. Then came his final outburst, "我已经不能像你们一样这么有空玩啦，我一半的心已经没啦！(cos he's attached),我要去mug啦，". He's so agitated that his face and neck turned red. But somehow, he went to play with us in the end, haha...
This provoked some thoughts in me afterwards.i realised that plunging into a relationship so early is the same as depriving the freedom of your youth. Though bgr can be sweet, romantic, memorable, exciting or whatsoever, it can be painful and troublesome, burdensome and confining. And NOT to forget, you will have three-quarter of life being with your the other half and only one-quarter being in single. so why prolong the three-quarter and shorten the one-quarter? which one is more valuable here? the one in sufficient or deficient?
wa, tell you what, after going through all these thoughts, i suddenly feel so relieved that i could feel a sense of joy. it was geniune joy which one seldom gets... i certainly will not compromise my freedom of youth with an immatured or a fruitless relation man, or even some deep emotional scars...
Then wangzhuo said something the other day which is indeed quite true. He said, "我们现在是最好的啦，可以毫无忧虑地跟girls flirt". haha, why sacrifice something which you can only enjoy for only a few years for something you can do for the rest of your life?
and he also said this, "我们做男人要风流一点，只要不下流就可以了". for those men out there who don't know how to differentiate between “风流” and“下流”, i will always be there for you to clear your doubts.
"wink"