Searching for someone who can lie down with me on a beach, underneath the blinking stars, and just talk for the whole night...
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promos are over, i don't feel happy at all. i just felt relieved that it is all over, that's all. maybe both my heart and soul are drained by the intensity of promos and i got numb to everything now, maybe the feeling of screwing up exams overwhelms the supposed joy after the promos. maybe the latter should be a better explanation. and i found that i am physically drained by the promos, such that i felt dizzy after playing ball for a while under a moderate sunlight, which was like quite rare as playing always invigorates me.
anyway, life still goes on. there is nothing to celebrate or moan about, what matters is the present, not the past nor the future.
on my way home on a bus today, i spent more than 10 mins staring at someone. this person was not even chio, handsome, hot, sexy and attractive to start with, but i felt so good staring at him. yeah, it is a 'him', but don't 想歪歪。 it was a small little indian boy with his dad. what attracted me at first was his sweet in his hand, as i was exhausted and very starved then. then later on, he used his fingers and mouth and tongue to play with the sweet, making funny faces and doing some peculiar stuff. all these amused me. he looked so absorbed in his own world that he ignored everything except himself. So i stared at him for 10 mins like that.
it feels so good to stare at somebody like that because staring at someone for such a long time is rare and it is also a privilege. Because you will be shot back with weird stares after a while when the person you feel like looking at found that you are actually perv-ing he/she. and today, looking at this little kid was so good, i just felt so enjoyed.
this brings me to my point. there is hardly anyone in this world who is adamant and unwavering in his/her own stand or views. Most of us succumb to societal perception and peer pressure. why can't we just put down our masks and be our own? why can't we ignore external forces and just do what we enjoy most, like that boy? why we are so affected by other people's opinion that we try hard to satisfy what others expect of us rather than to try hard to realise what you really want to be?
societal opinion is good in a sense that it provides self-reflection and self-evaluation, but it sometimes hinders your self-assurance and confidence. i think we are living in a very artificial world, is there anyone who is brave and capable enough to reverse the trend?
on a side note, i feel a bit guilty for not mugging, but slacking now, as many of my peers are still mugging hard for physics and cll on thurs, bio and csc on fri, why cant we just start and end exams together?
Where is the spirit of "one for all, all for one"?